Um, okay…

Feb 112012
 

A keeper closing the pachyderm house at the end of the day had locked the doors at one end of the huge building and was attempting to herd the remaining visitors out.

One man. who had just come in the open door, pushing his elderly grandmother in a wheelchair, asked if he could wheel her down to see the rhinoceros. The keeper explained politely that he really had to get everybody out of the building as soon as possible and that if he let them go down there then everybody else would want to.

To which the man replied, “That’s ok, she doesn’t have that long to live anyway,” and turned to leave. As they left the building both he and his grandmother were laughing at what apparently was some sort of a family joke.

 The Great Unwashed

Zoo lingo

Feb 112012
 

Candemonium: When a fecal can falls over and rolls away.

Haylienation: When a keeper drops hay on another keeper’s clean floor.

Nebraska burgers: Patties made from bird of prey diet. (Nebraska is the name of a company that produces meat diets for various zoo animals.)

Snake rocks: Snake feces.

Sprace: When the hose falls on the ground and sprays you in the face.

Strawgler: One piece of straw left on a clean floor

Stupervision: Describes an activity in which one is standing around trying to look like you know what is going on when you really don’t.

Worm people: Visitors who come to the zoo in the rain.

 Zoo Lingo

The great escape

Feb 112012
 

It was time for the Barbary macaques to undergo their annual physical examinations. Keepers entered monkey island, nets in hand, to herd the monkeys into their underground holding facilities where they would be crated for the trip to the animal hospital. The staff had this procedure down to a routine; it had been done many times without mishap.

One energetic juvenile male, however, wanted no part of the holding cages. Instead, he climbed the rock-work to the top of the waterfall. Seeing an avenue of escape he made a tremendous leap, cleared the moat with room to spare, and landed in a baby stroller right in the lap of a very surprised child.

Neither the monkey nor the child were injured, and after a brief, stunned moment the macaque dashed away. After leading the pursuing keepers on an extended chase through the zoo (including a shortcut across the top of the jaguar cages) the monkey took refuge on the loading dock of a restaurant on the zoo grounds. After several minutes of searching among the piles of large boxes stored there, the keepers safely captured the macaque and returned him to monkey island. The irony in this story is that even after such a spectacular demonstration of his athletic abilities, the monkey still had to endure the physical.

 Primates

Bouncing baby boy

Feb 112012
 

Giraffes aren’t known for their jumping ability, but one frisky young male, just a few months old, escaped over a four-and-a-half-foot high moat wall.

This particular young giraffe was quite active and spent a lot of time frolicking around the yard. One of his favorite games was to rear up against the moat wall and slam his chest into it. He did this many times without problems because the moat wall is five- to six-feet high for most of its length. One day, however, he hit the wall at one end where the ground is a little higher, lowering the effective barrier to about four and a half feet. When he hit the wall his momentum carried him over the top and he landed, unhurt, on the cement apron separating the giraffe yard from the public.

He apparently was uncomfortable in his new-found freedom for he only spent a few minutes exploring the apron before he turned and jumped back down into the yard. He landed on his feet, again uninjured, as if jumping down four an a half feet was something he did every day.

There are two footnotes to this story. The first is that none of the keepers saw it happen. It occurred around noon; some of the keepers were at lunch and the rest were busy inside. Several visitors did witness it, however, and one of them stopped to report it. The keepers, of course, found it difficult to believe. When he explained that he was an experienced keeper from another zoo, and showed them the muddy footprints on the cement apron, they were convinced. Additional proof came a few weeks later when he sent them a photograph he had snapped showing the giraffe in the process of jumping back into the yard.

The other thing that made this singular event even more incredible is that it occurred, not only during the week the Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) national convention was in town, but on the very day that all of the visiting zoo directors and managers were touring the zoo. But for the fact that it occurred during the catered lunch, this might have been the most famous giraffe escape in zoo history.

 Hoofstock

Who me?

Feb 112012
 

A keeper taking a load of uneaten, urine-soaked hay out of an exhibit set the wheelbarrow down and turned to close the gate. A teenage boy reached over to grab a handful of hay to toss in to the animals. The keeper could see what the boy was doing out of the comer of his eye, and deliberately took his time in closing the gate.

When he turned back to the wheelbarrow, the boy was, of course, acting innocent. As he went by with the wheelbarrow, the keeper turned to the boy and remarked politely, “Oh, by the way, you might want to wash your hands when you’re done. They’ve been peeing on this stuff all night.”
As the keeper’s words sank in, a look of disgust spread across the boy’s face and he began wiping his hands on his pants.

 The Great Unwashed

You’re not my baby!

Feb 112012
 

Like many young animals, the young black-faced gray kangaroo in the children’s zoo spent a lot of time frisking around. One day he apparently zigged when he should have zagged and sailed over the low fence surrounding his yard and landed in the arms of a woman standing nearby.

The woman was so surprised to find herself suddenly holding a kangaroo that she took a step backwards, knocking her own baby, who was strapped into a stroller, into a shallow duck pond. The baby and stroller were about half submerged, although, fortunately, the child’s head was safely out of the water for his mother was so busy with the kangaroo joey that she didn’t even notice her own child’s predicament.

Keepers, responding quickly to the incident, pulled the waterlogged baby out of the pond, a little damp but otherwise none the worse for the wear, and returned the wayward kangaroo to his yard.

 Children's Zoo

Dive bomber

Feb 112012
 

Cleaning a large flight cage became quite an adventure when a pair of black-and-white hornbills were introduced. The male, in particular, became quite proficient at flying over keepers’ heads and delivering a smashing blow to the top of their head with his massive bill.

The keepers’ solution was to borrow a riot helmet from Security, complete with Plexiglas visor. Keepers wearing the helmet were safe from the bird’s attacks.

The finishing touch, however, was a small label that had been stuck on the front of the helmet: “Death Before Dishonor.”

 Birds

It’ll fit…no problem!

Feb 112012
 

A young boy had managed to get his head through the vertical bars of a low fence and had gotten stuck. Although he was bawling loudly, the boy was fairly calm. The same could not be said of his parents, who were frantically trying to free him. Every time they tried to pull the boy back the bars would hurt his ears and he would start bawling even louder.

Someone had notified Security, who was trying to locate some tool that could be used to pry the bars apart. Other people were searching for some butter or grease that could be used to lubricate the boy’s ears so his head could slip free.

In the midst of all this activity, a keeper whose own son must have had a similar experience showed up. Instead of pulling the boy backwards, he simply turned the boy’s shoulders sideways and pushed gently. No longer stopped by the span of his shoulders, the boy slipped easily through the bars and was lifted back over the fence and returned to his parents.

 MIscellaneous

Ring around the rhino

Feb 112012
 

A woman called the zoo library one day and asked, “When a rhinoceros lies in the mud and then gets up and he has a ring around his body, how do you remove it?”

When she was told that the zoo didn’t remove the ring she said, “Oh, but you have to!” The librarian reminded her that rhinos are wild animals and since nobody removes the ring in the wild, neither does the zoo.

As it turned out, the woman worked at an advertising agency. One of their clients had come out with a new detergent and they were hoping to base a campaign on the slogan “Tough enough to remove the ring off a rhino.”

 Phone Calls

Bad vibes

Feb 112012
 

A visitor cornered a passing keeper one day on the walk in front of the reptile house. She informed him that her son, who was standing nearby, was psychic, and that he was getting very bad vibes from the alligators inside the building. She maintained that they were very unhappy and wasn’t there something he could do about it?

Not really knowing what to say, the keeper told the lady that the alligators’ regular home was being renovated and the alligators were temporarily crowded into a holding area. He added that he was sure that the bad vibes were due to this crowding, but that the reptile keepers were working as fast as they could, and would return the alligators to their accustomed exhibit very soon.

 The Great Unwashed
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